Ladies Only

[Jules]

Summer Classes for Men at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Wednesday, May 28,2008
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[Mirta]

:eek:

Response:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v98/Mortyrshell/WOMAN.jpg

[Coldin]

This post made my day. Thanks Jules. :)

Mirta's is awesome too. :D
Edit: Hmm, was I not supposed to post in this thread?

[Jules]

Well I knew if I listed it as ladies only then all the guys would have to read it - before anything else :)

Jules

[Tiblorian]

Real men don't get lost.

[Jules]

Real men don't get lost.

roflmao

Jules

[Xaearth]

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

People still use ice cube trays? Pretty much every fridge I've seen in the past several years has come with a built in ice maker...
Technology, designed to overcome the deficiency of bad genes.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

There's a much easier way to solve this dilemma on a much more massive scale...
Subliminal messages in newspapers and/or magazines. Seriously. The only time a guy is put in a situation where changing the toilet paper roll is preferred, he is generally in possession of one or the other.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

In the words of my 4-year-old nephew: "It's just toooooo big! It just goes all over the place!"

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

In all fairness, 9 times out of 10, the difference between the laundry hamper and the floor is mitigated by either an overflowing hamper, nearsightedness, or a really lousy jump-shot.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Personal experience dictates that they start that way, but don't quite have the distance, and end up stranded somewhere on the counter.

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Now that's gonna be a popular class. That's really tough on us guys. I mean, the remote disappears, you go out and buy another one, when all the time your significant other's been hiding it from you. And it was your favorite remote too. But we get over it eventually. Can't stay mad at your favorite Lazy-Boy for long.

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

The french have a saying that comes into play here: "Cherchez la femme!"

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

I've got allergies. So... that's slightly misinformed.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

I believe Tib covered that one, but one addition here:
Real men only get lost in those humongous public interstate rest area bathrooms that are the size of a large petting zoo. Seriously, only like 3 toilets and two tub-on-a-walls are actually used at a time, why do we need 50?

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Huh? Men let women drive? The whole time I was growing up, my dad only let my mom drive when he was sleeping.

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Does this class come with pizza samples? Maybe mini-cake samples? Cookies?
Maybe paint swatches? Perfume samples? Squeezie cheese?

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

I'll have you know, that, just last week, at the age of 22, I actually cracked an egg intentionally for the first time. And I made some muffins! Yay!

Note: Replies made in jest... mostly ;).

PS: Although you put "Ladies Only", the mouseover reveals that you're advertising coursed for men, leading to men reading and replying :p.

[Lazarus]

I have a significant history of getting lost. I've been lost in a city, lost in a town, lost in schools, lost in buildings, lost on an island, lost in a forest, lost near 3 homes, and lost in various computer games.

I am the king of the lost!

[Tiblorian]

The main difference between women and men's shopping habits, its men go in, grab what they want, and leave, women tend to look at every other item in the store first.

[lostinjapan]

Before I start my picking apart...have to say it was funny. :p

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Unnecessary at this day and age. Simply purchase a refrigerator with a built-in ice machine and work around that genetic deficiency!

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

You know...I've never had trouble with this one. So...there's a few possible scenarios here.

1. I'm lucky in not only my choice of sig others, but also in my non-choice if brothers/father. (Not likely)
2. It's never been important enough for me to notice. (Probable)
3. Or, the men in my life have been significantly more sly and have used just enough toilet paper so -I- will have to change it. (Most likely)

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

While I had problems with this years ago, I have to say my husband is extremely sympathetic to that particular problem. Probably from growing up with 2 (older) sisters who he had to share a bathroom with.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

This one gets me. Empty hamper...dirty clothes dropped on floor next to hamper. Or this one:

a) All my hampers are mesh and translucent...so you can see what is in them.
b) Hamper A has nothing but whites in it.
c) Hamper B has nothing but jeans and dark blue/grey/green clothing in it. Other hampers do not pertain to this example so will exclude.
d. Husband tosses clothes in the laundry room (gasp! they made it to the right room!), but throws his jeans and dark shirt into hamper A. Why?

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Now this one I do not have -any- trouble with. My husband and I both agree dirty dishes should NEVER be left around the house, it's disgusting. In addition, he does the dish-washing. I do everything else (including cooking).

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Remote? Where? Huh? :rolleyes: Seriously, after 4.5 years in japan without satellite/cable or even the AFN (armed forces network) stations and you think we worry about TV? :D That's why (tongue-in-cheek) Al Gore invented the internet. ;)

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

I'm seriously too anal retentive and OCD about organization for my husband...or myself...to ever have this problem. :p

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

It's harmful to mine. Allergies. So I ask him not to get me any. I also don't like chocolate. :eek: Anyway, he gets me little gifts he knows I'll like that are IMO equivalent to the 'flowers and candy' thing.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

You will never, ever, ever in a million years, get the majority of males to admit to even BEING lost, much less asking for directions.:confused:

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Whether most of you can face it or not (I can), most women drive like shit. This does not mean that by simply being male can one be a good driver. Nor does it mean that there aren't exceptions to the rule. There are. What I'm saying is the majority of women are indecisive drivers at best. And that's not a good thing. Split second decision making is a major requirement for being a good driver and seriously...most women like to weigh their options. It's the same problem as I'll point out in Class 12.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Don't you know? Every man wants a woman who can be jezebel in the bedroom, their mother in the kitchen, mary poppins to their kids, and june cleaver in public.

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Just learn to stop being indecisive and it will affect not only your driving, but also your shopping. Then you won't stress your man out. ;)

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

lol...I am worse than my husband about this. I said something about this Sunday and he said, "But that's Mother's Day." and I responded, "It is?"

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

No no no no no no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't ever let a male cook (unless he is a better cook than you) unless you want to be ill. Seriously. Some of the things I've seen men 'cook' were bad enough the dog wouldn't eat it.

[Jules]

I have a significant history of getting lost. I've been lost in a city, lost in a town, lost in schools, lost in buildings, lost on an island, lost in a forest, lost near 3 homes, and lost in various computer games.

I am the king of the lost!

So should we change your forum title to "Master of Lost"??

[Jules]

I loved everyone's responses - they were quite hilarious.

Jules

[Dozen_Black_Roses]

Before I start my picking apart...have to say it was funny. :p





lol...I am worse than my husband about this. I said something about this Sunday and he said, "But that's Mother's Day." and I responded, "It is?"



No no no no no no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't ever let a male cook (unless he is a better cook than you) unless you want to be ill. Seriously. Some of the things I've seen men 'cook' were bad enough the dog wouldn't eat it.


Lol I am the same way, my huband remembers every date/birthday/anniversary..I am horrible at remembering dates. I thought for certain last sunday was mothers day and was so upset as I had the flu.

And I cant agree more, never let a man cook unless he has a real talent for it. If it doesnt make you sick, it will certainly make you not want to eat. Besides I enjoy cooking for the family, and much like men with a remote control, I dont like relinquishing the kitchen to anyone.

[Shyv]

You will never, ever, ever in a million years, get the majority of males to admit to even BEING lost, much less asking for directions.:confused:

We're NOT lost, we're exploring. :eek:

[Anduril]

Let me tell you a little story about being lost.

There was one point in my life where I was unsure (obviously not lost) if I was going in the right direction so I thought to myself "I will break down and call someone for directions, that'll impress the ladies." So I called a friend and as I was speaking to him, crested a hill and saw where I was supposed to be.

The moral of this story is that it really is possible to keep going in the direction your going and get to where you should be. Men don't let the Womenfolk tell you it isn't possible.

As a general rule, men don't get lost, women just look up the wrong directions on map quest for us to intentional keep this rumor alive.

[Xaearth]

Right, men have internal GPS, so we can't get lost.

However, like any other GPS, sometimes a programming error resulting from outdated software results in faulty directions. This problem is easily rectified by updating the software, generally in the form of stopping the vehicle in the worst possible neighborhood, getting out, and slamming the map on the hood of the car, covering up the front windowshield from the outside.

While this generally causes slight panic to any accompanying passengers who can now no longer see their driver or the 3 nasty looking burly guys with prison tats who moved out of view, it is simply a diversion tactic to hide the secret of updating or replacing the faulty software.

[Rommalb]

Its not being lost, its taking the scenic route

[Tiblorian]

Women only need one class, A class that teaches them to say what they actually mean. "Its ok," seems to mean its not ok more often than it means it is ok.

I never got lost, unless in the rare cause of faulty directions, were clarification is needed. If you have directions and are attentive, even if you do miss a street, the worst that can happen is you have to make a u turn.

[Eldamir]

Call me an anal-retentive veteran if you like, but if I don't know where I'm going before I leave, I get directions (usually maps.google.com - using the hybrid view), print a map (or make sure I have one of the free travel-info plaza ones if its a large area) BEFORE leaving.

If I'm new to an area, I'll spend an afternoon just driving around, making connections in my head since streets in the US tend to have a habit of wandering around and changing names 30 times.. do that for an afternoon and you'll be hard pressed to get lost later.


Of course, it might also have something to do with growing up with a father who kept 1:50000 topo maps of whereever he was going (even civilized areas) behind the seat of his truck at all times .. that man must have 2-3000 of those things in a cabinet by now..

[Jules]

Right, men have internal GPS, so we can't get lost.

However, like any other GPS, sometimes a programming error resulting from outdated software results in faulty directions. This problem is easily rectified by updating the software, generally in the form of stopping the vehicle in the worst possible neighborhood, getting out, and slamming the map on the hood of the car, covering up the front windowshield from the outside.

While this generally causes slight panic to any accompanying passengers who can now no longer see their driver or the 3 nasty looking burly guys with prison tats who moved out of view, it is simply a diversion tactic to hide the secret of updating or replacing the faulty software.

Let me tell you about my son's friend. Sweet kid, but he could not find his way out of a paperbag with a compass, a flashlight and a pair of scissors. A very memorable time was when he had recently moved, and I was giving him a ride home, he could not tell me how to get to his house. Called my son who was able to give me the directions. This kid actually wanted to be a pilot, he joined the Air Force for just this reason. :eek: Him in charge of an aircraft - a truly scary thought.

I taught my son the basics of directions. When I give directions they do not include "turn right at the big tree" or "take a left at the mailbox". They do include North, South, East & West.

The only time I get lost is when I go to a nearby city, Coconut Grove (its in Miami), I will get lost going there every time. I don't get lost in any other city, county or state. But if the outing includes Coconut Grove, we're gonna get lost :D

Jules

[Xaearth]

That sounds like my older sister :rolleyes:.

First year away for college, she decided to bring her new college friends home for Mardi Gras (We grew up just outside of New Orleans). Now, she'd lived there for a good 8 years or so, and she learned how to drive in the area, so you'd think she'd know it well enough. Her friends apparently did, they didn't have any directions other than what she told them from the passenger seat. Note that this is the time before cell phones...

Instead of getting off the interstate anywhere remotely near where we lived, she directed them to get off downtown, in the middle of Mardi Gras traffic. So to get out of the traffic, she directs them down a "shortcut". Her friends ended up with a tour through the worst neighborhoods of New Orleans in the middle of Mardi Gras season. Eventually the guy that was driving saw the interstate in the distance, and decided he was gonna head that way, because if he could get on the interstate he could at least go back home :p.

Well they ended up getting back on the interstate, finding the right exit, and somehow finding the house... Let's just say none of her friends let her give directions again. :D

[Tiblorian]

In his defense, kids who don't know how to drive often don't memorize street names. I probably would have given the same directions not 4 years ago. Its not until you start driving that memorizing street names becomes a priority. Luckily I live in a city which is basically a grid(accept some one way streets around the airport and college), so navigating is very simple. The only real time you can get truly lost is if you miss freeway changes(Not offramps, but more like having to change from I-15 N to I-215 W to commute to school, as I do), as it is often hard to get back on the correct highway, luckily that hasn't happened to me....yet.

[Shamguard]

O.K. Here is my "I'm never lost story."

In June 1981 a few months after we were married my wife and I finally went on our "Honeymoon Trip". It was a planed San Diego,CA. to Orlando,FL (Disney World) drive. With two night reservations in New Orleans,LA. at an old mansion turn hotel called the St. James House. Our trip east was mostly uneventful, we made a couple of overnight stops in Texas including an overnight stop in San Antonio. Then we got to New Orleans. I did not have a good map of the city and all we knew about our hotel is that is was in the French Quarter and it was on the corner of St. James and Burgundy. So I exit the interstate into downtown New Orleans with no idea of where to go. I then spot the Trolly line and being from another tourist city (San Diego) I figured that the Trolly must, at some point, enter or at least come near the French Quarter. So I follow the tracks till yes I find the French Quarter. Then I find a street going in the right direction into the French Quarter, (if you don't know the French Quarter in New Orleans is mostly a grid of one way streets) and followed it till I found either St. James or Burgundy. I don't remember which I found but I do remember that I was going out of the French Quarter so I go up one block and head down the next street till I find the other cross street and follow it back one block to our hotel. My wife was amazed that I was able to find our hotel with out a map or directions.

This set a great precedent for our marriage and any time my wife ever thought I might be lost and started to say something. I would just say, "Remember New Orleans?" and she would not say another word.

.....

[Jules]

In his defense, kids who don't know how to drive often don't memorize street names. I probably would have given the same directions not 4 years ago. Its not until you start driving that memorizing street names becomes a priority. Luckily I live in a city which is basically a grid(accept some one way streets around the airport and college), so navigating is very simple. The only real time you can get truly lost is if you miss freeway changes(Not offramps, but more like having to change from I-15 N to I-215 W to commute to school, as I do), as it is often hard to get back on the correct highway, luckily that hasn't happened to me....yet.

Nope doesn't help. He had graduated from high school and had been driving in the area for some time. He & another friend of my son moved into an apartment and he frequently would call his apartment and say ok now where do I turn again. He had been there for 6 months at this time. Keep in mind he is a natural blonde. ;)

Jules

[Jawaana]

We're NOT lost, we're exploring. :eek:

I have this cool thing called a GPS. It's got a woman giving me directions!!:D

End of the world is nigh

[Bigpapi]

I don't ever get lost and I don't think taking the scenic route has ever taken any longer than it would have for me to stop the car, get out, change into some panties and ask for directions... ;)

[Ringos]

Back in the day, I would get a map when heading to a new place, in my area the map in the phone book. Now, with MapQuest, getting lost is for suckers! This means I only have to wear panties while using MapQuest on my computer (not a pretty sight). I slip back into my Fruit of the Looms (what a name!) before jumping in the 4x4. Problem solved!


BTW...I'm the only one at my house who puts TP where it goes. My 'wife' and daughter just use it off of the counter,